As my highly esteemed and knowledgeable colleague Bill O' Reilly said, "I'll tell you why [religion is] not a scam, in my opinion. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the tide goes in.” Of course giving a religious explanation to something wholly found in science is always the RIGHT way to go. We do it with evolution all the time. In fact, I have a new reason that proves that God is right here with us all the time. Just look at the food he gives us, potatoes deep fried in oils, with meat from a cow that died last week, served on a sesame seed bun, and I get two of them. Despite being too big for all the clothes at the big and tall store, Rush and I are still alive. My so called doctor tells me that I have diabetes and heart disease, and I just laugh.
You want to know what else I find hilarious? That whole anti-obesity lets move campaign that Michelle Obama promotes. She wants us to do French things like walk and move around. Please lady, the only time I ever move is to get the beer out of the fridge when I watch football, and half the time I make my wife do that for me.
It is so great to have a wife with the great conservative values of sandwich making, laundry doing, and going out of her way to buy me two supersized big macs with cheese, while I sweat from all the work I do pushing the buttons on the TV remote. Oh how I love America, land of the fat and home of the housewife.
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